Carlos' Goodbye Letter
by Lez Be Friends
Summary: Carlos is extremely depressed and thinks the only option is suicide, and actually goes through with it. It was a one shot but now adding on James, Logan, and Kendall POV
1. Chapter 1

Carlos' Goodbye Letter

**DISCLAIMER: Sad stories aren't something I write but this idea popped into my head so I thought I'd write a depressing one-shot. My other stories will be updated shortly. **

Carlos Garcia was the short happy-go-lucky Latino, a part of one of the most popular boy bands ever, Big Time Rush. But there was something his friends and fans missed, Carlos wasn't all that happy, he was deeply depressed and hated life more then ever all he wanted to do was die, you know what he made that possible.

Gustavo had let the boys leave the studio due to the fact of little cooperation was going on. Kendall couldn't stop talking about the date he and Jo, would be going on. James was so excited the new girl at the Palmwoods talked to him, and agreed to finally go out with him. While Logan was going to go out with Camille only as friends. But who is anyone kidding they both deeply care about each other. Carlos on the other hand was looking forward to his death he was going to plan. He was just so over excited he couldn't focus on the new song Gustavo was teaching them.

"Dogs, your dismissed," Gustavo hollered at the boys.

They all rushed out of the recording studio and into the limo. Once in the limo Kendall called Jo. While the other two boys with dates did the same. Carlos had a huge smile plastered on his face, his death was finally coming he would soon be escaping his depression and finally be happy and at peace with himself.

Once at the Plamwoods each boy said bye to each other and went their separate way. Carlos sat at the kitchen table writing his farewell letter to the world. Once done he went into the room his room and went into the closet making a noose and hung himself using James' bandanas. Before Carlos knew it he was dead. **(A/N: I'm about to cry writing this)**

Carlos' pain and suffering was gone. He was now in a better place, as some people would like to say.

Each boy arrived back at 2J around dinner time. Mamma Knight told the boys she would be making dinner and wanted to have a nice family dinner.

When the boys got back they all wanted to tell Carlos about what happened. Carlos was a very good listener and loved to hear stories of his friends with their girls. When Carlos was know where in sight they decided to check the Palmwoods pool, Carlos loved the pool more then anyone. The boys looked around the pool but he was know where in sight.

They saw Katie in the lobby and the boys approached her. "Hey, baby sister have you seen Carlos?" Kendall questioned his little sister.

"Nope, isn't he back in the room. Last I saw him today he was playing with James' bandanas." Katie stated.

They rushed back to room 2J. They decided to check Carlos' and James' room. That's when they saw a note on Carlos' bed. They opened it and it said:

_Dear, Kendall, Logan, and James,_

_I'm sorry but I had to do this. You guys wouldn't understand what the past few years have been like for me. I'm sorry for leaving you, but it was my only option. You'd be shocked at how long, I've been thinking of death. I wanted it more then ever. Being in the spot light didn't make it any better. I guess my pain goes all the way back to Minnesota. _

_The reason for wearing my helmet all the time is because my dad beat me. I wore the helmet to protect myself, even if it never actually helped me. But it did make me feel better at times. Wearing the helmet made me feel as if my dad wouldn't drink as much as he did and then beat the living shit out of me. I guess its kinda lame but it's whatever right. You still loved and cared for me with or without the helmet. _

_Guys, I just have a confession for you guys. You know back in the 9__th__ grade when I told you my mom died of a heart-attack? Well I lied she died because she too committed suicide. Depression runs in the Garcia family, my dad's depressed which made him an alcoholic. My mom was always depressed. And I myself have been dealing with depression ever since my mom died. When she passed, I didn't care for anything. I guess that's why I failed the 9__th__ grade._

_Guys, all I have to say is sorry. We all knew once James got his solo career he was going to be famous, Logan was going to be a doctor, and Kendall he was going to play for the Minnesota Wilds. While being realistic I don't have a shot Kendall's amazing and I'm a crappy player, I wouldn't even make the team. I myself was already headed to become a poor hobo living off the streets._

_James, I'm sorry I'm leaving you. I'm sorry for coming into your bed late at night, I only did cause I was having a nightmare about being abused by my father. And the image of my mother dead killed me. I always had that image of her imbedded in my brain. That's why I would always come into your bed, I never told you cause I didn't want you to think I was a baby. But I will always remember you, for the amazing singer you were. I'll remember you as the pretty boy who was "the face" of Big Time Rush. I'll always remember you as my older brother. The one who I can turn to for fashion, hair and girl advise. I'll remember you for the one who wrested me before we came to Hollywood, and the one who stood behind me and my crazy ideas. James you were my best friend practically my brother. I want to let you know that you singing will take you far and don't stop because of me please don't. And I'll always love you._

_Logan I've only been so distant with you because you were catching on. You found me in the bathroom and even saw the cuts on my arms, and when you did I knew something in your brain would be turning. You noticed how I ate nothing and if I did you noticed how I would just throw it up. I knew you knew something was up with me. YOU ARE THE SMART ONE OF THIS GROUP. But still I should have said something to you, yet I didn't. I didn't want anyone to help me with this internal battle. I'm sorry I never let you in when I should have. You could have helped me I knew you would have. You would have found a logical solutions. Now I'm not saying I regret killing myself, because I honestly don't at all. I felt this was the best solution to my problems. But I do want to say to you, even though you knew something was up. It wasn't your fault at all. Even if you smacked some sense into me, my mind was dead sent on dying. I do wanted to let you know, continue singing. Your voice really is amazing, even if Gustavo thinks you should be replaced cause I don't. Oh and you should always follow your dreams if the singing career fails please become a doctor. It would make me so happy, if you did. Logie, I'm always going to remember you by, your smartness. I will also remember you by saying, "I need to get new friends." You said that but you never actually did get new friends. I'll remember you by your loyalty. Plus I'll remember you by what a great friend you are to everyone. And I'll remember you by practically being my brother as well. I love you, don't you ever forget that._

_Kendall what is there to say about you? You've become the unofficial leader of this group. You're the one who got us all into scheming. You're the one who made me stronger. You're the one who always knew what to say to get us out of trouble. You were the brain of the group. Logan might be the smartest but you really were the mastermind behind everything. I'm truly going to miss your scheming ways, but death was calling me. It always was. I'm sure your going to take my death the hardest since you're the leader and you think you should have seen my depression. But don't blame yourself at all. Okay, for me please don't. I was the one who masked my pain with cutting hardly eating. You didn't see it, since I acted so happy. Just don't blame yourself. My death isn't your fault you got that? Kendall there is just so much I'm going to miss about you. I'm going to miss the way you always woke me up, since I was such a deep sleeper. I'm going to miss the deep intellectual conversations we would have while everyone is sleeping. I'm going to miss our schemes. I wanted to also, tell you to continue singing and continue Big Time Rush. Don't let the fans down like I did. And if all else fails please join the Minnesota Wilds. Dude, you were like the brother I never had, I will always love you._

_Please tell everyone else I'm sorry. I just had to do this. Call me selfish but I was unhappy. We can all admit my depression got the better of me and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I left the band, and I'm sorry for walking out of your lives. Just don't ever forget me, cause I know in another life our pasts will cross again. During our time in Hollywood, you've become my family, my everything. It's just my heart wasn't here. I just wanted to be dead, more then anyone would ever know. My body is in the closet hung my James' bandanas. I'm sorry for taking them bro, I didn't know what else to use. James, if you want new bandanas then take money from my wallet. _

_Tell Katie and Mamma Knight, I love them and guys remember I will always love you too._

_Love always, _

_Carlos Garcia_

Once the boys finished reading Carlos' letter they cried. They didn't just lose a band member that they lost their best friend and brother. They knew the helmet clad Latino would no longer be walking this earth. He was nothing more then just a memory.

The end.

(A/N: This story actually made me cry. I hate deaths but I just had this idea and knew I needed to write it before it was the one thought I did. I know horrible. But review and I'll update my other stories shortly.)


	2. Chapter 2

Carlos' Goodbye Letter: Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Ok, so this was supposed to be a one shot, but I had ideas on how to add on more. There are only 2 chapters left one for each of the members of BTR. I'm kinda on a break from a Logan Mitchell Story, since I don't really know what to do with that. If you have any ideas please PM me and help. Thank you, and enjoy.**

James' POV

I couldn't believe my eyes. My best friend and roommate was no longer walking the face of the earth. He was no longer part of the band he was just a memory. I couldn't accept the fact he was gone.

I James Diamond the "pretty boy" of Big Time Rush, is officially depressed. I can honestly say I don't give a shit about the band or a care in the world. I can become the fastest man ever and I wouldn't care.

I sighed, looking over at the two boys standing next to me. "I'm going out. I can't be in this room. It reminds me too much of him." I said, as the tears stopped falling from my eyes.

The boys nodded and stayed inside the room.

"James dinners ready go get the boys." Mrs. Knight asked.

"I'm not hungry," I said bitterly.

"Well, can you at least get the boys."

"No," I said, and then walked out of apartment 2J.

I was out on the streets of California. Something I didn't do often, since everything really was at the Plamwoods, except the one place I was heading to.

I finally walked to the barbershop, after a twenty-minute walk.

"I need a walk-in appointment." I said to the person holding a little black book.

"Take a seat, someone will help you soon." I smiled and did what I was told.

I took a seat and started reading the old addition of 'Men Fashion', which happened to be my favorite magazine ever.

I skimmed the issue I have already read. It had made me think of the time Carlos had cut my 'Men Fashion' magazine, because he thought it would be funny to see my reaction. I let out a small sigh, and more tears were falling from my face. I didn't exactly care that I was crying, or doing it in public.

That's when the barber came over to me and told me it was my turn. I sat down in the chair.

"What can I do for you sir?" The Barber asked.

"Cut it all off." I said.

"But your hair, it's just so beautiful." He said.

"I know, I'll miss it but I just want it gone." I said almost in tears.

The barber did what I asked and cut it all off. I looked at my bald self in the mirror. I looked really funny with no hair. But it did make me feel a little better. I paid and tipped the barber. I then walked all the way back to the Plamwoods.

When I walked into the lobby everyone gave me strange looks. I guess they just can't handle seeing the "pretty boy" not look so pretty. But fuck good looks. Fuck everything.

I just wanted my best friend back. Nothing will ever bring him back. I miss him. I got back into the apartment and everyone in there was gaping at my baldhead.

I ran into my room and balled my eyes out.

"Carlitos why did you have to leave us?" I said, as more tears fell from my face.


End file.
